My First Few Weeks as a Postgrad (in England)

Oooh the irony. Where my last post was all about my anticipation about coming here, this one is a long overdue one about ACTUALLY. BEING. HERE.

I want to say that I have been busy doing other things, and to be fair, that's partly true. So tiny, tiny recap: I have been here for three weeks and it has been nothing short of amazing. Canterbury is an absolutely lovely little town and everytime I walk from campus to the city centre- which is, yes, about 45 minutes - I discover something new and amazing. The campus is very cool. As it is built on a hill the views are absolutely stunning, and sorry Exeter University, nothing can top the view you have when standing in front of the library, seeing that grand cathedral in the distance. The cathedral is the highlight of the view, as Canterbury is just a little town, but flooded with students from all over the world.

As an international student, I have thus been feeling very welcome here. The university is certainly doing its best trying to make us feel at home. They organised a dinner for all the internationals (Erasmus, undergrad, and postgrad students), which was a great opportunity to get to meet some new people, and they even organised a trip to Leeds Castle, which was very beautiful.

That all seems ages ago now though. I am already in my second week of classes, and although I feel slightly overwhelmed, I have been thoroughly enjoying them. It is a bit hard, coming from a background in literary studies, to just dive into a postgrad in a different topic, but it is a challenge I am so glad I accepted. I have been dying to study film for so long now, and here we are :)

So far, this experience has been a lot of fun, a bit challenging, but completely gratifying. I have the best flatmates I could wish for (seriously, they are so great), and the University of Kent is just a very positive environment to be in. Everyday my inbox gets flooded with event invites, and notices about postgrad talks and other opportunities for students to broaden their horizon. I've also signed up for archery again, which I am looking forward to, and just had to sign up for the film society as well. Something that I was very pleased with is that the university offered free language courses for postgraduate students in the faculty of arts, so I have decided to take some French classes. Those will start this week and I am already looking forward to receiving brutal reminders of how bad my comprehension of the language has become.

As I am writing this post right now, I should actually be doing my reading, or working on my first essay (due next week) - yes this is solely me trying to convince you that I actually do stuff here. That's the greatest thing about going abroad for your postgraduate degree: those little bits of free time you have can be spent doing a whole array of things that at home might not be available to you. I am planning to pick up reviewing films again, since now I feel like I am actually being handed some tools that give my opinions a bit more weight. However, as someone kindly reminded me yesterday, I should pick it up again anyway, so I guess there's no reason for me to be slacking anymore.

Three More Weeks

The countdown has begun. In three weeks I will be moving back to the UK, to a different city, to start a new degree, at a new university.

It's just..wow. I've not yet been able to fully comprehend that I am actually moving to a different country for a whole year (perhaps more), and will be starting the postgraduate degree I never expected to be taking. To illustrate the fact that I haven't been able to really grasp this situation: I have attempted to write this post about 10 times, over the past few weeks, finally abandoning the draft I've been working on to start this new one.

I guess I am only fully able to finally blog about this right now because I have nothing else going on to occupy my thoughts and to distract me from the fact that YES THIS IS HAPPENING, I have been quite preoccupied lately, and although things like working a summer job wasn't the best distraction, it did protect me from the static limbo I am in right now. Summer vacation is done, everyone's gone back to university, and all I am doing is waiting...and waiting.

Interesting fact about me: waiting is not my strong point and I think my issues with patience are at the top of my 'Things-I-know-I-have-to-work-on-but-probably-never-will-list'. I keep getting questions like 'aren't you excited???' or 'you must be so happy right now!' and although I am genuinly very happy and grateful that I get to do this, I am the kind of person who is uncapable of feeling excitement untill the last moment. I just want to start this thing! NOW!

Everyone around me is happily doing their thing, but currently the highlights of my week are binge-watching Ripper Street and waiting for the Great British Bake Off to be on TV. And that sounds extremely sad now I think about it. However, fact is I will just have to power through these last few weeks, just like I did last year. I was in exactly the same boat around this time last year, feeling the same numb anticipation (is this even a thing?). It's definitely a strange feeling to be in the same situation again. Throwing a going away party, saying goodbye to fiends and family, 'yeah I'll see you at Christmas' and whatnot.

Funny thing is, I never expected to do this two years in a row. I was foolish enough to not plan further than my Erasmus experience, leaving me with a lot of doubts, questions, and a massive hole to fill when I came back (great planning there, Bonnie). Now that I have finally figured it out, it turns out I am doing the one thing I thought I'd never been able to do. I always wanted to study in the UK, but never thought of it as a REAL possibility. But then I guess I created that possibility, which is actually kinda awesome, but probably also the reason for my I-don't-yet-understand-what's-going-on-feeling.

The last half year has been tough, probably one of the toughest so far. Writing my thesis wasn't a walk in the park - but I have to admit it was less of a pain in the ass as I expected it to be - but the real struggle was figuring out my future, what I want to achieve and who I want to become. Naturally, not all of these questions have yet been answered, but I'm on the right track. I know that I want to become more involved with extracurricular activities, sign up for the odd society, and really explore all the options university still has to offer to me. I kinda slacked in this department during my BA (and honestly I lacked time to do so because Dutch universities aren't a joke and I am not one of those people who put in 0 effort but achieve ALL the things) and I regret it wholeheartedly. However, now is the time to make up for it and I get to do it at a new university, with new people, and in my favourite country, yay!

In all honesty, I am so so happy with the prospect of getting to study at Kent, and I am so proud of getting to this point. During secondary school I had a lot of people doubt my abilities, and that only made me doubt them as well. I've never really wanted to prove anyone wrong, but I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. It might not be THAT obvious, but getting that BA meant a big, big deal.

Now that I've unleashed about three months worth of feelings to the public - you're welcome - I will continue waiting not so patiently, hopefully doing some productive things along the way. I could perhaps start some of the preliminary reading? Maybe next week...

Very Big Deal in America!

How was I going to write a blogpost about my recent trip to New York without quoting West Side Story in the title? Right, I wasn't. It would not have been right.

But yes, NYC! I have finally been to the United States and what an experience it has been! It was truly refreshing to visit a new continent, and to just enjoy all the new sights and experience this illusive country (I joke.). I have to say that I have never understood the United States. Their politics confuse and annoy me and the stereotypes always looked very real from my European perspective. However, now I was finally going to experience the country of freedom (...), McDonalds, and Donald Trump (uhoh).

People who follow me on Twitter will probably be aware of my frequent rants about stuff going on in the USA (their gun laws, police violence etc.) and I have to say I was not entirely sure what to expect. The same went for New York City. In essence, it's just a big old city with a lot of people and a lot of tall buildings (sorry if I offend any New Yorkers, don't worry- praise is on its way!) and I was a bit scared there would not be enough to do to entertain me for a whole week. In hindsight, I was a bit foolish to think that.

NYC is huge. It's bustling, it's kicking, it's noisy, and it's alive. As a person who enjoys peace and quiet, I have to say NYC is too much for me. I enjoyed spending my days in the city, but I always felt very pleased being able to return to our hotel in Jersey at the end of the day. But it's a magnificent experience. NYC is in no way like London or Paris. There is a completely different atmosphere which I cannot quite get my finger on. The people there seem determined and busy, and they always seem to be discussing either the job they're working on or how their new house is coming along. I have heard more people talk about their new flooring and their most recent business plan than ever before. Why are ya'll discussing this stuff so loudly?

My favourite piece of New York is probably Central Park. I love that little safehaven in the middle of all that chaos. No loud phonecalls here. Just people eating their lunch, walking their dog or going for a run. You can really tell it's the place where everyone comes to unwind (which makes sense because it's a park but okay let's not kill the poetry here).

I really enjoyed the Metropolitan Museum, which has a great collection. The building is stunning, and it right next to Central Park (bonus points!). Going to the top of the Rockefeller Center was also very impressive. I've seen pictures of the New York skyline about a hundred times, but it doesn't beat the real thing-really. 

The real reason I went to the United States was to visit one of my friends whose been living in Washington D.C. for almost a year. Originally I was going to visit her there, but it turned into a family trip and we decided to go to New York instead, and take a roadtrip to D.C. Biggest. fail. ever.

The roadtrip itself was fine. Americans are really polite drivers- who would've thought that!- and I had enough amazing American coffee to keep me happy during the four hour trip. However, the weather was terrible. I have never experienced so much rain, EVER. It poured down from the minute we left the metro, and continued untill after we had re-entered the state of New Jersey. Flood warnings, amber alerts, and queues for the Smithsonian Museum were the result, and basically we didn't get to see much, except for the White House. But really, standing there with your umbrella in the lukewarm rain that's pissing down on you relentlessly, it's not really a good time.

Except for that half-ruined day, the trip was awesome. I loved that our hotel was in this little town in New Jersey so we got to see something else besides the crowded streets of New York. Seeing those houses with their frontporches and newspapers laying on their front lawn was like all my Sims fantasies coming to life. This probably sounds really weird, but it's just interesting when something you are so familiar with through TV, films, and video games comes to life. 

I ate a donut decorated with the colours of the American flag, I went to Walmart to marvel at how expensive everything was, I ate cheerios and had lunch in Central Park. My trip was a walking cliché probably but it was damn good. Thank you America for a wonderful week. I'm sure I will be back again! 

(I will still rant though, that hasn't changed)

(Also, I realised I love being European)

Important Decisions Nobody Ever Warned Us About - But They Should Have

Three years ago I was happy because I had a clear goal: I was going to study English, I was going to get my bachelor's degree in Nijmegen and I would subsequently sign up for a masters degree in said city. End of story.

Three years later I am conflicted. Not conflicted because I am failing to reach my goal. I'm well on my way to completing my bachelor's degree. Conflicted because that what was once clear is not so clear anymore. It's blurry, foggy, confusing and gives me headaches. Where the hell am I going to do a master's degree?

So let's put this dilemma in perspective. Where did it all go wrong with my well-thought out plan I made some time before I even embarked upon my academic career. Well, for starters, I am pretty much done with my university. We've had a great run, it lasted for about a year, then I got buried under books, essays, and pain, and my love for the university kind of dwindled. Then there's the fact that the master degrees at my current university do not appeal to me, and the fact that I'm dying to escape not only the city I currently live in but also the country I live in.

Oh yes, here we go again. My weird aversion to my home country, fueled by love for that weird little island on the other side of the North Sea. It would be futile to discuss the reasons why I want to leave this country as 1. they are boring and 2. I actually don't even know what exactly it is that's putting me off. The important thing is, I'm being put off, which then leads to the conclusion: I have to leave.

I am a person that gets easily bored and it is a major flaw to have. It's not just books, series, hobbies, or other material things that bore me after a while, it's places as well. And I hate it. I wish I still liked the city I live in as much as I did before, I'm certainly trying to but it's just not..there.

So who can we blame for my own shortcomings? Let's blame England. I might not have held the Netherlands in high regard before I went on Erasmus exchange, but going to live in England for a few months certainly did not help change my opinion of my home country. Erasmus was awesome. We all know that. I think England is awesome, we have established that now as well. There is something that pulls me to England which I can't really put my finger on, but it has always been there and frankly it's a bit of a pain in the ass.

So now for the difficult part. What do I do. Do I stay in the Netherlands? (let's nickname this the 'safe option') Do I go abroad (nickname: the 'expensive as fuck but really desirable option even though it will bankrupt me')? This is exactly the thing that I wished someone had warned me about. It is so hard to make a decision about this because in the end it is going to change EVERYTHING.

Chances are that if I stay I will build a life here, in the country I don't want to stay in, and eventually settle for it. If I go abroad I might actually roll into something really nice over there, and subsequently build a life in the country I could actually see myself spending the rest of my life in.

It all seems pretty fucking clear if I jot it down like this but the fact is things aren't that easy because it all comes down to that one thing that no student has but all students desire: money. Who ever thought it would be cool to make tuition fees that high in the UK? WHY? It's like torture. And it is exactly this problem that makes the decision so hard. It's a battle between doing what's easy but might make me less happy and doing what I really want but might be more of an investment than I am even capable of making.

My mind is pretty fried right now. I'm in the midst of finishing my BA degree and thus preoccupied with trying to write a semi-decent thesis- I'm lying, I'm striving to write a good one- and then this big ugly decision is put before me.

I know what I want and I guess that already indicates I have decided. It's not a question of being willing, it's a question of being able. Today I started applying to universities in England, and one in the Netherlands just in case. I'm going to try to find out how much will be able financially, and I guess that is going to ultimately be the deciding factor. Apply, hope. Enquire, hope.

Film studies in England? It is to be decided.

Exeter Favourites

It's been about a month and I'm finally committing myself to blogging again. It's been a major adjustment being back in the Netherlands, and I haven't really been able to find my way here again - in other words, it sucks and I want to go back to the UK! In the last month I've mostly been getting back to uni again, settling in in Nijmegen and been on a really, REALLY enjoyable trip to France. However, I think this is the best time to blog, as I have a bit of time now before the thesis hell really breaks loose.

So, let's take a look at the little gems I found in England. I just want to point out that these things might seem really commonplace to some of you but as a Dutchie these products aren't easily available to me at home, which explains why I'm so happy to have them.

First up, books! The first one is this Barnes and Noble leatherbound edition of Dracula that I got for Christmas. Okay, this one is not actually bound to England in any specific way, but you can get this edition for a fairly good price at Waterstones, as well as a number of other leatherbound classics.

I absolutely love it, it's so beautiful. I almost never spend money on expensive books except if I really like a certain one, and Dracula just happens to be one of my favourite novels, Iehhhh. 

Then there are a few other books I got in Exeter (it's a good place for booklovers and I don't even count myself as such but apparently it's infectious). There is a little shop near the Quai area called Book Cycle. It's located in a really cute little house and sells secondhand books. The concept of the store was entirely new to me: you can decide for yourself what you want to pay for a book, and every visitor can buy three books maximum a day. The money that they make goes to projects to provide less fortunate children in third-world countries with books. I loved this concept and knowing that I was supporting a charity really helped with chosing what to pay for the books - which is the tricky part.

I got these lovely books there:

I paid 10 pounds for these three books, which is about 3 pounds a piece. I'd been meaning to buy The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time for a while and I was very happy to see it there! The middle one is Jules Verne's Around the World in 80 Days, but in French. Now okay, this might seem really pretentious but I read the book in English and very much liked it, and I loved the look of this one. It's from about the 1920s and if something is as old as that I just need to have it, even if it means taking twenty times as long to read it because it's in French - but fortunately I'm picking up that language again! The top one is Waverley by Sir Walter Scott. Again, I liked the look of this one, it's old, and I've been wanting to read some of Sir Walter Scott's work for a while now. Also, it has some really nice pictures in it that are great for Snapchat, just saying.

Okay, then it's on to beauty products. I LOVED being able to pop into Boots and Superdrug. They sell so many brands that are a pain (or just downright impossible) to find in the Netherlands, and it was really nice just going to the shops and looking at all these new products (of which I couldn't buy many because I'm a poor student). However, I did manage to buy some products that I have been loving so far.

First up is this body lotion by Soap&Glory. 

I had heard about Soap&Glory by a lot of British bloggers, and knew I had to try it. Unfortunately, this stuff is not cheap. I paid 10 pounds for the above bottle, BUT I am sure that it will last me a loooong time. Also, this stuff is really worth it. This botty lotion smells like a little piece of heaven. I bought it for my sister for Christmas and after unwrapping it on Christmas eve she kept rubbing little dollops of it on her hand because she loved the smell so much. I decided I had to have one as well and bought this one just before going back home. I also bought my sister one of their body scrubs which is very lovely. It does what it's supposed to do (clear the skin), as well as leaving it soft and smelling amazing. They really have some gorgeous products and I wished I could've bought some more - or all - but alas. I know I'll be trying more of their products though, or giving them away as gifts because just look at the packaging, so cute!

The last things I really want to mention are some lipsticks that I got at Topshop. I'm in the habit of watching youtube bloggers and have heard them talk about Topshop lipsticks many times. I got two, and I was certainly not disappointed!

I got a nice classic red colour 'Hazard', and a more purplish one 'Role Model', which I have been absolutely loving, Both are matte lipsticks, but they do not feel dry on the lips as some matte lipsticks tend to do. They are more creamy and the colours are just amazing. My lips have a tendency to dry out very quickly while wearing lipstick, but these keep my lips fairly moisturised, which leads me to wear them more often. They cost 8 pounds a piece, so about 10-11 euros if I'm not mistaken. Not the cheapest lipsticks out there, but I do believe you get great value for your money. Certainly recommend! (and you can just get these via the Topshop website). Topshop also have some very nice nailpolishes, I've especially been enjoying the matt-velvet ones, so pretty!

So yeah, these are some of the things I've been enjoying in England and which I brought back with me to enjoy at home. I can't wait to go back to the UK and get some more bits and things :).

Looking Back: The Best Few Months Ever

So my title for this blogpost is totally soppy and definitely unorginal but sometimes that is just the way to go, or maybe not, but in any case this is going to be one big sentimental outpour of feelings so if anything, it is applicable.

Where to begin? I've put off writing a conclusion about my semester abroad because in all honesty a conclusion is not what I wanted. I think the title already explained it all, but these have genuinly been the best months I have ever had. They were filled with happiness, laughter, exploration and a stray essay here and there, but that definitely did not spoil the fun. I think the best way to describe it is like an extended vacation that also included studying? Like, imagine a trip to Paris but instead of going to museums you write essays..if that makes sense? It's like living in a little bubble outside of reality, with a heap of people who are living exactly the same, making it all feel normal.

However, these months have been anything but normal. For me, living in the country that I've always wanted to live in was a bit daunting. I must admit there was a part of me that feared that these few months were going to be the dealbreaker: what if England is not the country I imagined it to be after all? Luckily, this did not turn out to be true. There's definitely things in England that really require some getting used to: the astonishing amount of public drunkness, the horrible lack of proper bakeries, the ever changing weather (I've seen more rainbows in these 4 months than I have probably seen in my life), the fact that people stop to talk in the middle of the street and continually walk into you - RUDE MUCH - and the amazingly high cost of public transport. BUT if anything this experience has only made me love and appreciate England even more (which feels weird to say after this list of suckiness). The places I have been to, the lovely nature and weird but 'interesting' customs just make me want to stay, and everytime I go back to England it feels like coming home.

As for the whole Erasmus exchange, I am so thankful that it exists. It is really exciting to meet people from all over the world and share the same experience with them. I've met so many wonderful people that I've otherwise had never been able to come into contact with. I enjoyed proving stereotypes about the Netherlands wrong, or explaining to people that no, it is not called Holland, and yes, there is more to the Netherlands than Amsterdam. On the other hand it was nice to learn a bit more about other people's countries, and I enjoyed getting some of the stereotypes about those countries proved wrong - or right, depending on the subject.

I may have already talked about this before, but I am especially thankful that I got to study at the University of Exeter. It may not have been my first choice, but damn was it a pleasure. I almost feel like I have learned more than I have in two years in the Netherlands. The relaxed atmosphere during classes was really enjoyable, and the fact that we got to access some proper archival material was simply amazing. I loved flipping through Victorian periodicals and magazines, and it was awesome that we got to get creative with these sources when we had to do a project for our Imperial Encounters class. I especially enjoyed this class, to the point that I didn't even resent writing essays for it that much - eh?

One other thing that I really enjoyed doing these past few months was a sport: archery. I had never done this before, and considering it is a bit more accessible in the UK than in the Netherlands I just had to try it. Really happy I did it! I may not be an expert now but I am glad that I at least got to learn the basics, AND I have a certificate to prove it- ahyeah.

Not so surprisingly, it is incredibly hard to sum up four months in one post, and yeah, it might have helped if I had blogged more. But in those incredible moments it did not feel necessary, and I know that the best moments I will never forget, even if I don't have the blogposts to remind me. I am sad that it is over, but those feelings are definitely outweighed by gratitude and joy that I got to have these experiences to begin with. Furthermore, I KNOW that I will go back to England soon. It might not actually be my home, but it can be, and it will!

As I do want to share a bit more about my experience than just these general feelings, I decided to do a 2014 Favourites post - England edition. I encountered some great products across the pond, and I definitely want to share those with you, so look out for that :)

For now, it is back to reality (although maybe a slightly better one than before :)).