The countdown has begun. In three weeks I will be moving back to the UK, to a different city, to start a new degree, at a new university.
It's just..wow. I've not yet been able to fully comprehend that I am actually moving to a different country for a whole year (perhaps more), and will be starting the postgraduate degree I never expected to be taking. To illustrate the fact that I haven't been able to really grasp this situation: I have attempted to write this post about 10 times, over the past few weeks, finally abandoning the draft I've been working on to start this new one.
I guess I am only fully able to finally blog about this right now because I have nothing else going on to occupy my thoughts and to distract me from the fact that YES THIS IS HAPPENING, I have been quite preoccupied lately, and although things like working a summer job wasn't the best distraction, it did protect me from the static limbo I am in right now. Summer vacation is done, everyone's gone back to university, and all I am doing is waiting...and waiting.
Interesting fact about me: waiting is not my strong point and I think my issues with patience are at the top of my 'Things-I-know-I-have-to-work-on-but-probably-never-will-list'. I keep getting questions like 'aren't you excited???' or 'you must be so happy right now!' and although I am genuinly very happy and grateful that I get to do this, I am the kind of person who is uncapable of feeling excitement untill the last moment. I just want to start this thing! NOW!
Everyone around me is happily doing their thing, but currently the highlights of my week are binge-watching Ripper Street and waiting for the Great British Bake Off to be on TV. And that sounds extremely sad now I think about it. However, fact is I will just have to power through these last few weeks, just like I did last year. I was in exactly the same boat around this time last year, feeling the same numb anticipation (is this even a thing?). It's definitely a strange feeling to be in the same situation again. Throwing a going away party, saying goodbye to fiends and family, 'yeah I'll see you at Christmas' and whatnot.
Funny thing is, I never expected to do this two years in a row. I was foolish enough to not plan further than my Erasmus experience, leaving me with a lot of doubts, questions, and a massive hole to fill when I came back (great planning there, Bonnie). Now that I have finally figured it out, it turns out I am doing the one thing I thought I'd never been able to do. I always wanted to study in the UK, but never thought of it as a REAL possibility. But then I guess I created that possibility, which is actually kinda awesome, but probably also the reason for my I-don't-yet-understand-what's-going-on-feeling.
The last half year has been tough, probably one of the toughest so far. Writing my thesis wasn't a walk in the park - but I have to admit it was less of a pain in the ass as I expected it to be - but the real struggle was figuring out my future, what I want to achieve and who I want to become. Naturally, not all of these questions have yet been answered, but I'm on the right track. I know that I want to become more involved with extracurricular activities, sign up for the odd society, and really explore all the options university still has to offer to me. I kinda slacked in this department during my BA (and honestly I lacked time to do so because Dutch universities aren't a joke and I am not one of those people who put in 0 effort but achieve ALL the things) and I regret it wholeheartedly. However, now is the time to make up for it and I get to do it at a new university, with new people, and in my favourite country, yay!
In all honesty, I am so so happy with the prospect of getting to study at Kent, and I am so proud of getting to this point. During secondary school I had a lot of people doubt my abilities, and that only made me doubt them as well. I've never really wanted to prove anyone wrong, but I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. It might not be THAT obvious, but getting that BA meant a big, big deal.
Now that I've unleashed about three months worth of feelings to the public - you're welcome - I will continue waiting not so patiently, hopefully doing some productive things along the way. I could perhaps start some of the preliminary reading? Maybe next week...
